When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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