her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We got so high we made milksteak
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize