I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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