i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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