I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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