so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
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Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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