if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Church boner. Awkwardddd
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
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Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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