woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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