If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
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I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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