Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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