My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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