Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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