That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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