you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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