2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have fence marks all over my body
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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