woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize