I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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