am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Banned from zoo.
Again?
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I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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