Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
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Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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