dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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