he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
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I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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