i think my mom watched the whole time
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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