So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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