Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize