I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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