Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize