I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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