Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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