Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
FUCK WHALES
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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