I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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