just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
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I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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