I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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