My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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