Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize