I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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