**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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