His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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