This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
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I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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