i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
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Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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