the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
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