I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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