I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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