Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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