please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize