I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize