I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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