Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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