it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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