i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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