You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize